2Heeldrive - Walk it off Wimp!

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s holiday party. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw were a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian.”

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, “Son… what happened last night?”

“Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.”

Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??

“His son replies, “Oh THAT!… Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, “Leave me alone bitch, I’m married!!”

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time……PRICELESS

“Well, she’s at it again,” and they’re right. It’s high time for another long walk. Why?

Well, I hike the long trails because I love to.

Because there are no traffic jams or signals,
no stop signs, parking meters or police.

Because no where on earth have I experienced lakes so deep in color they appear purple. Because in their pristine waters, a log can be seen 25 feet below the surface.

Because the greens are greener out here,
the blues bluer,
and images are crisp and sharp.

Because I like being supported by the earth each night when I rest upon her.

Because I experience the terrain, vegetation, and wildlife of the land with an intimacy those touring in SUV’s will never know.

Because, alas, campsites are plentiful and free!

I hike the long trail because “getting out of town” on a Friday night is a daily occurrence — and it happens every morning at 6am.

Because hiking defines freedom, adventure, peace and beauty.

Because no two days are ever alike.

Because the toughest executive decision out here is how much water to carry, how many miles to hike, and where to camp — best of all, none need board approval to be put into action.

Because, mercifully, there are no phones or pagers on the trail.

Because some of the most awesome people I know walk trails.

I hike the long trail because I can gorge myself stupid on wild huckleberries.

Because I like the idea of carrying all I need to live on my back — which truly isn’t much.

Because opening a resupply box comes closest to the excitement of Christmas morning I’ve known since childhood.

Because starting a day doesn’t rely on coffee and unwinding from it doesn’t rely on beer — just 400mg ibuprofen.

Because for every uphill there is a downhill, and for every rocky path there is one padded with soft pine needles . . . . . somewhere.

Because when no one is around to help me out of a snow bank or up a steep canyon, I discover what I’m made of.

Because trail mix tastes better out here.

I hike the long trail because the sights on a thru-hike are ultimately diverse.

Because the trail is safer than any metropolitan area I know of.

Because hikers are patient, adventuresome beings, who genuinely look after one another.

Because I’m inspired by the footprints left by those on the trail before me.

Because June 21st (summer solstice) is “hike naked day”.

Because “taking a walk” will never hold the same meaning again.

And finally, not because I regard hiking a long trail as being so terribly important, but because I suspect that many of the other concerns of mankind are equally unimportant — and not nearly so much fun.

I received this wonderful poem from a fellow hiker who asked that I credit the author. Thanks go to,

True North
(PCT ‘01)