2Heeldrive – Walk it off Wimp!

Subject: Thomas Jefferson

John F. Kennedy held a dinner in the white House for a group of the
brightest minds in the nation at that time. He made this statement:
“This is perhaps the assembly of the most intelligence ever to
gather at one time in the White House with the exception of
when Thomas Jefferson dined alone.”

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When we get piled
upon one another in large cities, as in Europe,
we shall become as corrupt as Europe .
Thomas Jefferson

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The democracy will cease to exist
when you take away from those
who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

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It is incumbent on every
generation to pay its own debts as it goes.
A principle which if acted on would save
one-half the wars of the world.
Thomas Jefferson

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I predict future happiness for
Americans if they can prevent the government
from wasting the labors of the people under the
pretense of taking care of them.
Thomas Jefferson

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My reading of history convinces me
that most bad government results from too much
government.
Thomas Jefferson

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No free man shall ever be debarred
the use of arms.
Thomas Jefferson

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The strongest reason for the
people to retain the right to keep and bear arms
is, as a last resort, to protect themselves
against tyranny in government.
Thomas Jefferson

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The tree of liberty must be
refreshed from time to time with the blood of
patriots and tyrants.
Thomas Jefferson

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To compel a man to subsidize with
his taxes the propagation of ideas which he
disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.
Thomas Jefferson

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Thomas Jefferson said in 1802:
‘I believe that
banking institutions are more dangerous to
our liberties than standing armies.
If the American people ever allow
private banks to control the issue of their
currency, first by inflation, then by
deflation, the banks and corporations that will
grow up around the banks will deprive the people
of all property – until their children
wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers
conquered.’

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
flings your soda across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained
heirloom piece you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under
the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned guitar callouses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say,
‘Yeouw….’

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their
holes until you die of old age, or for perforating something behind and beyond
the original intended target object.

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. Caution: Avoid using for manicures.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built for frustration enhancement.
It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the
more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your
future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the
conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside
the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or
1/2 socket you’ve been searching for the last 45 minutes.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground
after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle
firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 4X4: Used for levering an automobile upward
off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known
drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.

RADIAL ARM SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most
shops to scare neophytes into choosing another line of work.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength
of everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that
inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the
handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic’s own tanning booth. Sometimes called
a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, ‘the sunshine vitamin,’
which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its
main purpose is to consume 40- watt light bulbs at about the same rate that
105mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the
Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat
misleading. The accessory socket within the base, has been permanently rendered
useless, unless requiring a source of 117vac power to shock the mechanic
senseless.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under
lids, opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your
shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw
heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to
convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning
power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels
by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact gun that grips rusty bolts which
were last over tightened 40 years ago by someone at VW, and instantly rounds
off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to
the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC’S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on
contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector
magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially
useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. It is also useful for
removing large chunks of human flesh from the user’s hands.

DAMMIT TOOL: (I have lot’s of these) Any handy tool that you grab and
throw across the garage while yelling ‘DAMMIT’ at the top of your lungs. It
is also, most often, the next tool that you will need after a really big
hammer

Sorry, I just couldn’t resist

From a fellow forum member on the 67-72 Chevy truck forum.

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s holiday party. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw were a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian.”

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, “Son… what happened last night?”

“Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.”

Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??

“His son replies, “Oh THAT!… Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, “Leave me alone bitch, I’m married!!”

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time……PRICELESS

“Well, she’s at it again,” and they’re right. It’s high time for another long walk. Why?

Well, I hike the long trails because I love to.

Because there are no traffic jams or signals,
no stop signs, parking meters or police.

Because no where on earth have I experienced lakes so deep in color they appear purple. Because in their pristine waters, a log can be seen 25 feet below the surface.

Because the greens are greener out here,
the blues bluer,
and images are crisp and sharp.

Because I like being supported by the earth each night when I rest upon her.

Because I experience the terrain, vegetation, and wildlife of the land with an intimacy those touring in SUV’s will never know.

Because, alas, campsites are plentiful and free!

I hike the long trail because “getting out of town” on a Friday night is a daily occurrence — and it happens every morning at 6am.

Because hiking defines freedom, adventure, peace and beauty.

Because no two days are ever alike.

Because the toughest executive decision out here is how much water to carry, how many miles to hike, and where to camp — best of all, none need board approval to be put into action.

Because, mercifully, there are no phones or pagers on the trail.

Because some of the most awesome people I know walk trails.

I hike the long trail because I can gorge myself stupid on wild huckleberries.

Because I like the idea of carrying all I need to live on my back — which truly isn’t much.

Because opening a resupply box comes closest to the excitement of Christmas morning I’ve known since childhood.

Because starting a day doesn’t rely on coffee and unwinding from it doesn’t rely on beer — just 400mg ibuprofen.

Because for every uphill there is a downhill, and for every rocky path there is one padded with soft pine needles . . . . . somewhere.

Because when no one is around to help me out of a snow bank or up a steep canyon, I discover what I’m made of.

Because trail mix tastes better out here.

I hike the long trail because the sights on a thru-hike are ultimately diverse.

Because the trail is safer than any metropolitan area I know of.

Because hikers are patient, adventuresome beings, who genuinely look after one another.

Because I’m inspired by the footprints left by those on the trail before me.

Because June 21st (summer solstice) is “hike naked day”.

Because “taking a walk” will never hold the same meaning again.

And finally, not because I regard hiking a long trail as being so terribly important, but because I suspect that many of the other concerns of mankind are equally unimportant — and not nearly so much fun.

I received this wonderful poem from a fellow hiker who asked that I credit the author. Thanks go to,

True North
(PCT ’01)