Confucius say
On wisdom, Confucius say…
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
War not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who sit on tack get point!
Man who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion!
Man stuck in pantry have ass in jam.
When called an idiot sometimes is better to be quiet than to open mouth and remove all doubt.
Man who behaves like an ass will be the butt of those who crack jokes.
He who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing.
Man who put head on railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.
He who buries a man’s wife alive, should not expect to sit at that man’s dinner table without the subject coming up.
Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.
Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.
Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.
Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.
Man who fly airplane upside-down bound to have crack up.
Confucius say too damn much.
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On hygiene, Confucius say…
Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters in his own hands.
Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep shit.
A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.
House without toilet is uncanny.
Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.
He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
Man who stick foot in mouth get athlete’s tongue.
Man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with sticky fingers.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
Grease monkey who go to bed without bathing wake up oily in the morning.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
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On sex, Confucius say…
Virginity like bubble: one prick, all gone.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
Man kicked in testicles left holding bag.
Woman who wear jockstrap have make believe ballroom.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on top of desk.
Hole happy, whole body happy.
Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
Don’t drink and park, accidents cause people.
Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs.
State of pregnancy exist when woman takes seriously something poked in fun.
Man who plays with self, pulls boner.
Passionate kiss like spider’s web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house.
Man trapped in brothel get jerked around.
Man’s wife his better half, his mistress his better whole.
It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on whole woman have more.
Girl who have red hair have red hair, by cracky.
Man who lay woman on ground gets piece on earth.
Man who suck woman’s tit make clean breast of things.
Woman laid in tomb may soon become mummy.
Man who lay girl on hillside is not on the level.
Man who jizz in cash register come into money.
Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
Man who marries girl with no bust have right to feel low down.
Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.
Don’t sweat the petty stuff … and don’t pet the sweaty stuff
